Last Sacrifice Chapter Twenty-nine

THE EVENTS THAT FOLLOWED were a blur. Sonya might have kept spirit's touch at bay, but it didn't matter. I was still in shock, still unable to think. They put me in the front seat, as far from Victor as possible. Dimitri drove us somewhere–I didn't pay much attention–where he and Sonya disposed of the body. They didn't say what they did, only that it was â€Å"taken care of.' I didn't ask for details. After that, we were back and headed toward Court. Sonya and Dimitri tossed around options on what to do when we got there. Seeing as no one had yet cleared my name, the current plan was that Sonya would have to escort Jill into Court. Jill asked if she could call her parents to let them know she was okay, but Dimitri felt that was a security risk. Sonya said she'd try to reach Emily in a dream, which made Jill feel a little better. I coped during the drive by checking in on Lissa. Focusing on her took me away from the horrible guilt and emptiness I felt, the horror at what I'd done to Victor. When I was with Lissa, I wasn't me, and just then, that was my greatest desire. I didn't want to be me. But things weren't perfect for her either. Like always, a number of issues were weighing her down. She felt close–so, so close–to unraveling who had killed Tatiana. The answer seemed within her grasp, if only she could reach just a little farther. The guardians had dragged Joe the janitor in, and after a fair amount of coercion–they had methods that didn't require magical compulsion–he'd admitted to having seen the twisted-handed Moroi in my building on the night of the murder. No amount of pushing would get Joe to admit he had been paid off–by either the man or Daniella. The most he'd admit was that he might have been â€Å"a little off' in his times that night. It was by no means hard evidence to save me. Lissa had Ambrose's letter too, which had subtly threatened Tatiana. The writer had opposed the age law for being soft, disapproved of Tatiana's endorsement of spirit, and resented the secret training sessions. The letter might have been perfectly polite, but whoever penned it had had a serious grudge against the queen. That supported the political motive theories. Of course, there were still lots of personal motives for the murder too. The sordid mess with Ambrose, Blake, and the women involved pegged any of them as the murderer. Daniella Ivashkov being on that list was a constant point of stress for Lissa, and she dared not breathe a word to Adrian. The saving grace there was that Daniella's bribery had been to get Adrian out of trouble–not solidify my guilt. The unknown Moroi had funded that bribe. Surely, if she had killed Tatiana, Daniella would have paid for both of Joe's lies. And of course, there was the last test pressing against Lissa's mind. The riddle. The riddle that seemed to have so many answers–and yet, none at all.What must a queen possess in order to truly rule her people? In some ways, it was more difficult than the other tests. Those had had a hands-on component, so to speak. This? This was her own intellect. No fire to build. No fear to look in the eye. She hated that she took the riddle so seriously too. She didn't need its stress, not with everything else going on. Life would have been simpler if she'd kept treating the trials simply as a scam to buy us time. The Court was continually swelling with those who had come to see the election, and more and more of them–much to her disbelief–were throwing their support behind her. She could hardly walk anywhere without people calling out about â€Å"the Dragon' or â€Å"Alexandra reborn.' Word of her attack had gotten out too, which seemed to have fueled her supporters even more. But, of course, Lissa still had plenty of opposition. The biggest case against her was the same old legal one: that she wouldn't be eligible for votes when the time came. Another mark against her was her age. She was too young, her opponents said. Who would want a child on the throne? But Lissa's admirers wouldn't hear any of it. They kept citing young Alexandra's rule and the miracles Lissa had wrought with her healing. Age was irrelevant. The Moroi needed young blood, they cried. They also demanded the voting laws be changed. Unsurprisingly, her opponents also kept bringing up the fact that she was tied to a queen-killing murderer. I'd have thought that would have been the biggest issue in her candidacy, but she'd been so convincing about how I'd shocked and betrayed her that many felt her being queen would actually right the wrong I'd committed. She'd used bits of compulsion whenever the topic came up, which also went a long way in making others think she was now completely dissociated from me. â€Å"I'm so tired of this,' Lissa told Christian, back in her room. She'd sought escape there and was lying on her bed in his arms. My mom was there, on guard. â€Å"This queen thing was a horrible idea.' Christian stroked her hair. â€Å"It's not. Abe said the election will be delayed because of the uproar. And no matter how much you complain, I know you're proud you made it this far.' It was true. The chalice test had cut the nominees in half. Only five remained. Ariana Szelsky was one of them, as was Daniella's cousin, Rufus Tarus. Lissa was the third, with Marcus Lazar and Marie Conta rounding out the group. Ronald Ozera hadn't made it through. My mother spoke up. â€Å"I've never seen anything like this–it's incredible how much support you're getting. The Council and other royals are under no obligations to change the law. But the mob's loud †¦ and gaining the love of â€Å"commoners' could benefit certain royals. Standing by your claim to run would certainly reflect well on a couple families that are out of favor. What's holding them back is the thought that you might actually win. So they'll just keep arguing and arguing.' Lissa stiffened. â€Å"Winning †¦ that's not really possible, is it? Ariana's got it sealed †¦ right?' Winning had never been a part of this crazy plan, and now, with so few candidates, the pressure was even greater to get Ariana on the throne. As far as Lissa was concerned, the other candidates showed no promise of improving Moroi life. Ariana had to win. â€Å"I'd say so,' said Janine. There was pride in her voice, seeing how close she was to the Szelsky family. â€Å"Ariana's brilliant and competent, and most people know it. She'd treat dhampirs fairly–more so than some of the other candidates. She's already spoken about reversing the age law.' The thought of worse laws oppressing the dhampirs made Lissa's stomach sink. â€Å"God, I hope she wins. We can't have anything else go wrong.' A knock at the door snapped my mom into full guardian mode until Lissa said, â€Å"It's Adrian.' â€Å"Well,' muttered Christian, â€Å"at least his timing's better than usual.' Sure enough, my boyfriend entered, wreathed in his now usual scent of smoke and liquor. True, his vices were the least of my concerns, but it kept bugging me that he needed me to be there in person to enforce his good behavior. It reminded me of when he said I was his strength. â€Å"Get up, guys,' he said. He looked very pleased with himself. â€Å"We've got a visit to pay.' Lissa sat up, puzzled. â€Å"What are you talking about?' â€Å"I am not hanging out with Blake Lazar again,' warned Christian. â€Å"You and me both,' said Adrian. â€Å"I've got someone better. And more attractive. Remember how you were wondering how close Serena was to Grant? Well, looks like you can ask her yourself. I found her. And yes, you're welcome.' A frown crossed my mother's face. â€Å"Last I heard, Serena had been sent away to teach at a school. One on the east coast, I think.' After the Strigoi attack that had killed Grant and several others, the guardians had decided to pull Serena from active bodyguard duty for a while. She'd been the only guardian to survive. â€Å"She is, but since it's summer, they brought her back to help with election crowd control. She's working the front gates.' Lissa and Christian exchanged looks. â€Å"We have to talk to her,' said Lissa excitedly. â€Å"She might have known who Grant was secretly teaching.' â€Å"That doesn't mean one of them killed Tatiana,' warned my mother. Lissa nodded. â€Å"No, but there's a connection, if Ambrose's letter is right. She's there now? At the gates?' â€Å"Yup,' said Adrian. â€Å"And we probably don't even need to buy her a drink.' â€Å"Then let's go.' Lissa stood and reached for her shoes. â€Å"Are you sure?' asked Christian. â€Å"You know what's waiting out there.' Lissa hesitated. It was late at â€Å"night' for Moroi, but that didn't mean everyone was in bed–especially at the gates, which was always jam-packed with people lately. Clearing my name was too important, Lissa decided. â€Å"Yeah. Let's do it.' With my mother leading the way, my friends made their way to the Court's entrance. (The â€Å"door' that Abe had made had been patched up.) The Court was surrounded in high, multicolored stone walls that helped further the human image that this was actually an elite school. Wrought iron gates at the entrance stood open, but a group of guardians blocked the road leading into Court grounds. Normally, only two guardians would have manned the booth at the gate. The extra numbers were both for greater interrogation of cars and for crowd control. Spectators lined the road's sides, watching the arriving cars as though they were at a red carpet premiere. Janine knew a roundabout way that avoided some people–but not all. â€Å"Don't cringe,' Christian told Lissa as they passed a particularly vocal group, which had noticed her. â€Å"You're a queenly nominee. Act like it. You deserve this. You're the last Dragomir. A daughter of royalty.' Lissa gave him a brief, astonished look, surprised to hear the fierceness in his voice– and that he clearly believed his words. Straightening up, she turned toward her fans, smiling and waving back, which excited them that much more. Take this seriously, she reminded herself. Don't disgrace our history. In the end, getting through the crowd to the gate proved easier than getting time alone with Serena. The guardians were swamped and insisted on keeping Serena for screening, but my mom had a quick conversation with the guardian in charge. She reminded him of Lissa's importance and offered to stand in for Serena for a few minutes. Serena had long since healed from the Strigoi attack. She was my age, blond-haired and pretty. She was clearly surprised to see her former charge. â€Å"Princess,' she said, maintaining formalities. â€Å"How can I help you?' Lissa pulled Serena away from the cluster of guardians speaking to the Moroi drivers lined up at the gate. â€Å"You can call me Lissa. You know that. You taught me to stab pillows, after all.' Serena gave her a small smile. â€Å"Things have changed. You might be our next queen.' Lissa grimaced. â€Å"Unlikely.' Especially since I have no clue how to solve that riddle, she thought. â€Å"But I do need your help. You and Grant spent a lot of time together †¦ did he ever mention training Moroi for Tatiana? Like, secret combat sessions?' Serena's face gave the answer away, and she averted her eyes. â€Å"I'm not supposed to talk about that. He wasn't even supposed to tell me.' Lissa gripped the young guardian's arm in excitement, making Serena flinch. â€Å"You have to tell me what you know. Anything. Who he was training †¦ how they felt about it †¦ who was successful. Anything.' Serena paled. â€Å"I can't,' she whispered. â€Å"It was done in secret. On the queen's orders.' â€Å"My aunt's dead,' said Adrian bluntly. â€Å"And you said yourself you might be talking to the future queen.' This earned a glare from Lissa. Serena hesitated, then took a deep breath. â€Å"I can pull together a list of names. I might not remember all of them, though. And I have no clue how well they were doing–only that a lot resented it. Grant felt like Tatiana had purposely picked those most unwilling.' Lissa squeezed her hand. â€Å"Thank you. Thank you so much.' Serena still looked pained at giving up the secret information. They come first didn't always work when your loyalties were split. â€Å"I'll have to get it to you later, though. They need me here.' Serena returned to her post, bringing my mother back to Lissa. As for me, I returned to my own reality in the car, which had come to a stop. I blinked to clear my eyes and take in our surroundings. Another hotel. We should have had gold member status by now. â€Å"What's going on?' â€Å"We're stopping,' said Dimitri. â€Å"You need to rest.' â€Å"No, I don't. We need to keep going to Court. We need to get Jill there in time for the elections.' Our initial goal in finding Jill had been to give Lissa voting power. It had since occurred to us that if Lissa running was mucking up the elections, the surprise appearance of her sister would likely create just as much sensation and disbelief. A genetic test would clear up any doubts and give Lissa her voting power, but the initial confusion would buy us more of the time we so badly needed to find the murderer. In spite of the random evidence my friends kept turning up, they still had no substantial theories on a culprit. Dimitri gave me a don't lie to me look. â€Å"You were just with Lissa. Are the elections actually happening yet?' â€Å"No,' I admitted. â€Å"Then you're getting some rest.' â€Å"I'm fine,' I snapped. But those fools wouldn't listen to me. Checking in was complicated because none of us had a credit card, and it wasn't the hotel's policy to take a cash deposit. Sonya compelled the desk clerk into thinking it was their policy, and before long, we had booked two adjoining rooms. â€Å"Let me talk to her alone,' Dimitri murmured to Sonya. â€Å"I can handle it.' â€Å"Be careful,' Sonya warned. â€Å"She's fragile.' â€Å"You guys, I'm right here!' I exclaimed. Sonya took Jill's arm and guided her into one of the rooms. â€Å"Come on, let's order room service.' Dimitri opened the other door and looked at me expectantly. With a sigh, I followed and sat on the bed, my arms crossed. The room was a hundred times nicer than the one in West Virginia. â€Å"Can we order room service?' He pulled up a chair and sat opposite me, only a couple feet away. â€Å"We need to talk about what happened with Victor.' â€Å"There's nothing to talk about,' I said bleakly. The dark feelings I'd been shoving back during the drive suddenly fell upon me. They smothered me. I felt more claustrophobic than when I'd been in the cell. Guilt was its own prison. â€Å"I really am the murderer everyone says I am. It doesn't matter that it was Victor. I killed him in cold blood.' â€Å"That was hardly cold blood.' â€Å"The hell it wasn't!' I cried, feeling tears spring to my eyes. â€Å"The plan was to subdue him and Robert so we could free Jill. Subdue. Victor wasn't a threat to me. He was an old man, for God's sake.' â€Å"He seemed like a threat,' said Dimitri. His calmness was the counter to my growing hysteria, as usual. â€Å"He was using his magic.' I shook my head, burying my face in my hands. â€Å"It wasn't going to kill me. He probably couldn't have even kept it up much longer. I could have waited it out or escaped. Hell, I did escape! But instead of capturing him, I slammed him against a concrete wall! He was no match for me. An old man. I killed an old man. Yeah, maybe he was a scheming, corrupt old man, but I didn't want him dead. I wanted him locked up again. I wanted him to spend the rest of his life in prison, living with his crimes. Living, Dimitri.' It seemed strange that I'd feel this way, considering how much I hated Victor. But it was true: it hadn't been a fair fight. I'd acted without thinking. My training had always been about defense and striking out against monsters. Honor had never really come up, but suddenly, it meant a lot to me. â€Å"There was no honor in what I did to him.' â€Å"Sonya said it wasn't your fault.' Dimitri's voice was still gentle, which somehow made me feel worse. I wished he'd chastise me, confirming the guilt I felt. I wanted him to be my critical instructor. â€Å"She said it was a backlash of spirit.' â€Å"It was†¦ .' I paused, recalling the haze of that fight as best I could. â€Å"I never really understood what Lissa experienced in her worst moments until then. I just looked at Victor †¦ and I saw everything evil in the world–an evil I had to stop. He was bad, but he didn't deserve that. He never stood a chance.' Honor, I kept thinking. What honor is there in that? â€Å"You aren't listening, Rose. It wasn't your fault. Spirit's a powerful magic we barely understand. And its dark edge †¦ well, we know it's capable of terrible things. Things that can't be controlled.' I lifted my eyes to his. â€Å"I should have been stronger than it.' There it was. The thought behind all my guilt, all these horrible emotions. â€Å"I should have been stronger than it. I was weak.' Dimitri's reassuring words didn't come so quickly. â€Å"You aren't invincible,' he said at last. â€Å"No one expects you to be.' â€Å"I do. What I did †¦' I swallowed. â€Å"What I did was unforgivable.' His eyes widened in shock. â€Å"That †¦ that's crazy, Rose. You can't punish yourself for something you had no power over.' â€Å"Yeah? Then why are you still–‘ I stopped because I'd been about to accuse Dimitri of continuing to punish himself. Except †¦ he no longer was. Did he feel guilt for what he'd done as a Strigoi? I was certain of it. Sonya had admitted as much. But somewhere in this journey, he had taken control of his life again, bit by bit. She'd told me that, but only now did I truly understand. â€Å"When?' I asked. â€Å"When did it change? When did you realize you could keep living– even after all that guilt?' â€Å"I'm not sure.' If the question surprised him, he hid it. His eyes were locked with mine, but they weren't quite focused on me. The puzzle occupied him. â€Å"In bits, really. When Lissa and Abe first came to me about breaking you out, I was ready to do it because she asked me to. Then, the more I thought about it, the more I realized it was personal too. I couldn't stand the thought of you locked in a cell, being cut off from the world. It wasn't right. No one should live like that, and it occurred to me that I was doing the same–by choice. I was cutting myself off from the world with guilt and self-punishment. I had a second chance to live, and I was throwing it away.' I was still in turmoil, still raging and full of grief, but his story kept me quiet and transfixed. Hearing him pour his heart out was a rare opportunity. â€Å"You heard me talk about this before,' he continued. â€Å"About my goal to appreciate life's little details. And the more we continued on our journey, the more I remembered who I was. Not just a fighter. Fighting is easy. It's why we fight that matters, and in the alley that night with Donovan †¦' He shuddered. â€Å"That was the moment I could have crossed over into someone who fights just to senselessly kill–but you pulled me back, Rose. That was the turning point. You saved me †¦ just as Lissa saved me with the stake. I knew then that in order to leave the Strigoi part of me behind, I had to fight through to be what theyaren't. I had to embrace what they reject: beauty, love, honor.' Right then, I was two people. One was overjoyed. Hearing him talk like that, realizing he was fighting his demons and close to victory †¦ well, I nearly wept with joy. It was what I'd wanted for him for so long. At the same time, his inspiring words only reminded me how far I'd fallen. My sorrow and self-pity took over again. â€Å"Then you should understand,' I said bitterly. â€Å"You just said it: honor. It matters. We both know it does. I've lost mine. I lost it out there in the parking lot when I killed an innocent.' â€Å"And I've killed hundreds,' he said flatly. â€Å"People much more innocent than Victor Dashkov.' â€Å"It's not the same! You couldn't help it!' My feelings exploded to the surface again. â€Å"Why are we repeating the same things over and over?' â€Å"Because they aren't sinking in! You couldn't help it either.' His patience was cracking. â€Å"Feel guilty. Mourn this. But move on. Don't let it destroy you. Forgive yourself.' I leapt to my feet, catching him by surprise. I leaned down, putting us face to face. â€Å"Forgive myself? That's what you want? You of all people?' Words seemed to escape him. I think it had to do with my proximity. He managed a nod. â€Å"Then tell me this. You say you moved past the guilt, decided to revel in life and all that. I get it. But have you, in your heart, really forgiven yourself? I told you a long time ago that I forgave you for everything in Siberia, but what about you? Have you done it?' â€Å"I just said–‘ â€Å"No. It's not the same. You're telling me to forgive myself and move on. But you won't do it yourself. You're a hypocrite, comrade. We're either both guilty or both innocent. Pick.' He rose as well, looking down at me from that lofty height. â€Å"It's not that simple.' I crossed my arms over my chest, refusing to be intimidated. â€Å"It is that simple. We're the same! Even Sonya says we are. We've always been the same, and we're both acting the same stupid way now. We hold ourselves up to a higher standard than everyone else.' Dimitri frowned. â€Å"I–Sonya? What does she have to do with any of this?' â€Å"She said our auras match. She said we light up around each other. She says it means you still love me and that we're in sync, and †¦' I sighed and turned away, wandering across the room. â€Å"I don't know. I shouldn't have mentioned it. We shouldn't buy into this aura stuff when it comes from magic users who are already half-insane.' I reached the window and leaned my forehead against the cool glass, trying to decide what to do. Forgive myself. Could I? A small city sprawled before me, though I'd lost track of where we were. Cars and people moved below, souls out living their lives. I took a deep breath. The image of Victor on the asphalt was going to stay with me for a long, long time. I had done something horrible, even if my intentions were good, but everyone was right: I hadn't been myself. Did that change what had happened? Would that bring Victor back? No. And honestly, I didn't know how I would move past what I'd done, how I'd shake the bloody images in my head. I just knew I had to go on. â€Å"If I let this stop me,' I murmured, â€Å"if I do nothing †¦ then that's the greater evil. I'll do more good by surviving. By continuing to fight and protect others.' â€Å"What are you saying?' asked Dimitri. â€Å"I'm saying †¦ I forgive myself. That doesn't make everything perfect, but it's a start.' My fingertip traced the line of a tiny crack in the glass's surface. â€Å"Who knows? Maybe that outburst in the parking lot let out some of the darkness Sonya says is in my aura. Skeptic that I am, I have to give her some points. She was right that I was at a breaking point, that all I needed was a spark.' â€Å"She was right about something else too,' Dimitri said after a long pause. My back was to him, but there was a strange quality to his voice that made me turn around. â€Å"What's that?' I asked. â€Å"That I do still love you.' With that one sentence, everything in the universe changed. Time slowed to one heartbeat. The world became his eyes, his voice. This wasn't happening. It wasn't real. None of it could be real. It felt like a spirit dream. I resisted the urge to close my eyes and see if I'd wake up moments later. No. No matter how unbelievable it all seemed, this was no dream. This was real. This was life. This was flesh and blood. â€Å"Since †¦ since when?' I finally managed to ask. â€Å"Since †¦ forever.' His tone implied the answer was obvious. â€Å"I denied it when I was restored. I had no room for anything in my heart except guilt. I especially felt guilty about you–what I'd done–and I pushed you away. I put up a wall to keep you safe. It worked for a while–until my heart finally started accepting other emotions. And it all came back. Everything I felt for you. It had never left; it was just hidden from me until I was ready. And again †¦ that alley was the turning point. I looked at you †¦ saw your goodness, your hope, and your faith. Those are what make you beautiful. So, so beautiful.' â€Å"So it wasn't my hair,' I said, unsure how I was even capable of making a joke at a time like this. â€Å"No,' he said gently. â€Å"Your hair was beautiful too. All of you. You were amazing when we first met, and somehow, inexplicably, you've come even farther. You've always been pure, raw energy, and now you control it. You're the most amazing woman I've ever met, and I'm glad to have had that love for you in my life. I regret losing it.' He grew pensive. â€Å"I would give anything–anything–in the world to go back and change history. To run into your arms after Lissa brought me back. To have a life with you. It's too late, of course, but I've accepted it.' â€Å"Why †¦ why is it too late?' Dimitri's eyes grew sad. â€Å"Because of Adrian. Because you've moved on. No, listen,' he said, cutting off my protests. â€Å"You were right to do that after how I treated you. And more than anything else, I want you to be happy once we clear your name and get Jill recognized. You said yourself that Adrian makes you happy. You said you love him.' â€Å"But †¦ you just said you love me. That you want to be with me.' My words seemed clumsy, unworthy of his eloquence. â€Å"And I told you: I'm not going to pursue another man's girlfriend. You want to talk honor? There it is in its purest form.' I walked toward him, each step ramping up the tension around us. Dimitri kept saying the alley was his turning point. For me? It was now. I stood on the precipice of something that would change my life. For the last week, I'd done a very good job of detaching myself from anything romantic with Dimitri. And yet †¦ had I? What was love, really? Flowers, chocolate, and poetry? Or was it something else? Was it being able to finish someone's jokes? Was it having absolute faith that someone was there at your back? Was it knowing someone so well that they instantly understood why you did the things you did–and shared those same beliefs? All week, I'd claimed my love for Dimitri was fading. In reality, it had been growing more and more. I hadn't even realized it was happening. I had been re-establishing our old rapport, strengthening the connection. Reaffirming that of all the people in the world–even Lissa–Dimitri was the only one who truly gotme. I'd meant it: I loved Adrian. It was hard to imagine life without him, but my other words at the Mastranos' had betrayed me: I have fun with him. Now, you should have fun with the one you love, but that shouldn't have been what first came to mind. I should have said, We strengthen each other. Or, He makes me want to be a better person. Perhaps most importantly: He understands me perfectly. But none of that was true, so I hadn't said those things. I'd sought Adrian for comfort. His familiarity and humor were an important part of my world. And if he was in danger? I'd throw my life before his, just as I would for Lissa. Yet, I didn't inspire him, not really. He was trying. He did want to be a better person, but at this moment in his life, his motivations were more about impressing others–about impressing me. It wasn't for himself. That didn't make him bad or weak, but it made me his crutch. He would get past that, I was certain. He would eventually come into his own and be an amazing man, but he wasn't at that point of self-discovery yet. I was. I stood in front of Dimitri now, looking into those dark eyes again, the eyes I loved so much. I placed my hands on his chest, feeling his heart beating strong and steady–and maybe a bit faster than normal. Warmth spread through my fingertips. He reached up and caught hold of my wrists but didn't push me away. The lines of that gorgeous face looked strained as he fought some inner conflict, but now that I knew–now that I knew for sure–I could see his love for me. Love mingled with desire. It was so, so obvious. â€Å"You should have told me,' I said. â€Å"You should have told me this a long time ago. I love you. I've never stopped loving you. You have to know that.' His breath caught when I said I love you, and I could see his internal struggle for control become an all-out war. â€Å"It wouldn't have made any difference. Not with Adrian involved,' he said. The fingers around my hand tightened slightly as though he really might push me away this time. He didn't. â€Å"I mean it. I won't be that guy, Rose. I won't be that man who takes someone else's woman. Now, please. Let go. Don't make this any more difficult.' I ignored the request. If he'd wanted to get away from me, he could have. I splayed my fingers, touching more of his chest, drinking in the feel of that warm contact I'd missed for so long. â€Å"I don't belong to him,' I said in a low voice, pushing close to Dimitri and tilting my head back so that I could see his face clearly. So much emotion, so much conflict as his heart tried to decide right from wrong. Being pressed against him felt like †¦ completion. Sonya had said no couple could share one aura or one soul, but ours weren't meant to be apart. They fit together like a puzzle, two individuals making something greater than themselves. â€Å"I don't belong to anyone. I make my own choices.' â€Å"And you're with Adrian,' said Dimitri. â€Å"But I was meant for you.' And that did it. Any pretense of control or reason either of us possessed melted away. The walls crumbled, and everything we'd been holding back from each other came rushing out. I reached up, pulling us together for a kiss–a kiss he didn't let go this time. A kiss I didn't end by punching him. His arms encircled me as he lifted me onto the bed, one hand soon sliding along my hip and down to my leg, already half-bare, thanks to that poor tattered dress. Every nerve in my body lit up, and I felt that desire returned in him–and then some. After a world of death, he seemed to appreciate love more. Not only that, he needed it. He needed life. He needed me–not just physically, but in the same way my heart and soul always cried out for him. What we did then, as our clothes came off and we brought our bodies together became more than just lust–even though there was plenty of that too. Being with him after so long, after everything we'd endured †¦ it was like coming home. Like finally being where–with whom–I belonged. My world, my heart †¦ they'd shattered when I lost him. But as he looked at me, as his lips spoke my name and ran along my skin †¦ I knew those pieces could come back together. And I knew, with absolute certainty, that waiting for this–for my second time having sex–had been the right thing to do. Anyone else, any other time †¦ it would have been wrong. When we finished, it was like we still couldn't get close enough. We held each other tightly, our limbs entwined, as though maybe closing the distance now would make up for the distance that had been between us for so long. I closed my eyes, my senses flooded with him, and sighed dreamily. â€Å"I'm glad you gave in. I'm glad your self-control isn't as strong as mine.' This made him laugh, and I felt it rumble through his chest. â€Å"Roza, my self-control is ten times stronger than yours.' I opened my eyes, shifting to look into his. I brushed his hair back and smiled, certain my heart would expand and expand until there was nothing left of me. â€Å"Oh yeah? That's not the impression I just got.' â€Å"Wait until next time,' he warned. â€Å"I'll do things that'll make you lose control within seconds.' That comment was just asking for a witty Rose Hathaway quip. It also made my blood burn, which was why we were both surprised when I abruptly said, â€Å"There may not be a next time.' Dimitri's hand, tracing the shape of my shoulder, froze. â€Å"What? Why?' â€Å"We have a couple of things to do before this happens again.' â€Å"Adrian,' he guessed. I nodded. â€Å"And that's my problem, so put your honor-able thoughts aside. I have to face him and answer for this. I will. And you †¦' I couldn't believe what I was about to say. I couldn't believe I meant it. â€Å"You still have to forgive yourself if we're going to be together.' His puzzled expression turned to pain. â€Å"Rose–‘ â€Å"I'm serious.' I met his eyes unflinchingly. â€Å"You have to forgive yourself. For real. Everyone else has. If you can't, then you can't go on either. We can't.' It was one of the biggest gambles of my life. Once, I would have run to him without question, ignoring our problems, overjoyed just to be with him. Now †¦ after everything I'd been through, I'd changed. I loved him. I loved him so much, and I wanted him. But it was because of the strength of that love that I had to do this. If were going to be together, we had to do it the right way. Sex had been amazing, but it wasn't a magical cure for everything. Damn. Somewhere along the way, I'd picked up common sense. I still intended to confront Adrian. And if Dimitri wouldn't do what I asked, I really would walk away. I'd lose both men, but it was better to be alone with my self-respect than be in the wrong relationship. â€Å"I don't know,' Dimitri said at last. â€Å"I don't know if I can †¦ if I'm ready.' â€Å"Decide soon then,' I said. â€Å"You don't have to right this second, but eventually †¦' I didn't push the topic after that. For now, I would let it go, though I knew he would hold onto it and grasp its importance. I knew I was right to stand by it too. He couldn't be happy with me if he wasn't happy with himself. It occurred to me then, as I stood up for myself and what I needed, that our old teacher-student roles were gone forever. Now we really were equals. I rested my head on his chest and felt him relax. We'd bask in this moment, if only for a little longer. Sonya had said we needed â€Å"rest,' making me think we still had some time here before the ticking clock drove us back to Court. As Dimitri and I continued to keep close to one another, I found myself actually wanting to sleep. I was exhausted from the fight–which, I realized, had taken a very unexpected turn. My guilt and despair over Victor and the explosion of spirit had taken their toll too, no matter the healing locket still around my neck. And yes, I thought with a small smile, I was simply exhausted from what Dimitri and I had just done. It was kind of nice to use my body for something that didn't result in serious injury for a change. I fell asleep in his embrace, blackness wrapping around me as warmly as his arms. It should have been that simple. It should have been peaceful, happy rest. But as usual, I wasn't that lucky. A spirit dream pulled me from the enveloping depths of sleep, and for half a second, I thought maybe Robert Doru had come for me to take revenge for his brother's death. But, no. No vindictive Dashkov. Instead, I found myself staring into a pair of emerald- green eyes. Adrian.

What is UChicagos Acceptance Rate Admissions Requirements?

UChicago Accepts 7.2% of Applicants. What Does It Take to Get In? Built into historic Hyde Park, the University of Chicago is home to over 20,000 students across its undergraduate college and seven professional schools. Known for its unusual essay prompts, iconic mascot (t he phoenix),   and tight-knit community, UChicago offers one of the most unique locales for nourishing a developing mind. But with an acceptance rate of only 7.2%, securing admission is no easy task. If you love the idea of spending four years learning deeply with your peers, read this post for insight on how to make your application stand out. We have helped thousands of students apply to UChicago, and we’re eager to pass our experience on to you. You may apply through the Coalition Application or the Common Application . For most applicants, we recommend the Common App. Learn more about it in our Guide to the Common App . You can apply via any of the school’s four decision rounds. Early Action and Early Decision I applications are due November 1. Early Decision II and Regular Decision applications are due January 2. If you’re unsure about whether to apply early, read our post Early Decision vs. Early Action vs. Restrictive Early Action . To apply, be sure to send in all of the following: International applicants are subject to different application requirements, which can be found on UChicago’s page for International Applicants . Optional Components. Students with backgrounds in art, creative media, research, or an uncommon field may submit supplemental materials if they so desire. You should only do so, however, if you plan to continue the featured activity at the college level, if your work is exceptional and adds a new dimension to your application. UChicago is one of the most selective schools in the nation, with an admissions rate of 7.2%. Of 32,291 applicants last year, only 2,329 were admitted. Ultimately 79% of students admitted chose to attend UChicago. 7.2% may sound like an intimidating number. Only a select few top-ranked schools like Harvard and Stanford come in with lower acceptance rates. But it’s important to remember that the strength of your profile impacts whether chances are higher than the average applicant. Be sure to surround yourself with people who have been through the process so that you are receiving accurate and informed advice on how to craft a competitive profile. You may choose to work with a company like or conduct research on your own. Estimating your chance of getting into a college is not easy in today’s competitive environment. Thankfully, with our state-of-the-art software and data, we can analyze your academic and extracurricular profile and estimate your chances. Our profile analysis tool can also help you identify the improvement you need to make to enter your dream school. The University of Chicago prides itself on a holistic application review, so there are a few things you’ll want to keep in mind as you apply. Academics. This includes both grades and test scores. Students with positive trends over time will also be viewed more favorably than those with declining grades. For reference, in the Class of 2021, the middle 50% of accepted students received SAT scores of 1460-1550 and ACT scores of 32-35. Extracurricular Activities & Leadership. UChicago students in particular are known for being independent thinkers who chart their own course rather than following the crowd. Your extracurricular and leadership activities should reflect your passion and uniqueness. Be on the lookout for ways to make lasting, deep, and meaningful contributions in your field and community. Character. UChicago is particularly well-known for valuing freedom of speech and individuality. As much as possible, use your essays, extracurricular activities, and letters of recommendation to highlight how you demonstrate a unique, vivid personality that, among other things, strives to uphold personal freedoms. Contributions to Community. You will set yourself up for success by clearly articulating how you see yourself interacting with and enriching the school. Whether that’s conducting independent research, writing for an online student publication, or leading your intramural wiffle ball team to victory, help UChicago admissions officers understand how your interests connect to specific opportunities to contribute on campus. Demonstrate a voracious intellectual appetite. UChicago prides itself on academic prowess, so show you’re no slouch. To demonstrate your initiative, weave into your application any classes you’ve self-studied, research you’ve conducted, and reading you’ve done for pleasure. Write standout essays . UChicago looks for strong writing skills within its student pool, even amongst students who want to study STEM. UChicago will readily choose students with stronger admissions essays over students with better extracurricular profiles. Academic standards, however, are typically not relaxed for stronger essays. A good way to demonstrate your writing abilities is to get your writing published professionally in any field (even in something like a magazine). Embrace your uniqueness. The ideal UChicago applicant is a little quirky, as reflected in the school’s unorthodox application essay prompts. If you want to break the mold a little, this is definitely an institution that rewards creative essay structures as well as â€Å"nerding out† over your favorite topic. If you’re having trouble thinking of something unique to say, check out ’s post, What If I Don’t Have Anything Interesting to Write in My College Essay? Partner with a professional to find your voice and talents. All of this is much easier said than done. If you want to be competitive at a school like UChicago, no one-size-fits-all advice is going to get you there. Consider working closely with a mentor or your school’s guidance counselor to bring your admissions profile to the next level. UChicago is a long shot for just about everyone, so don’t worry if you receive a â€Å"no thank-you† at the end of the day. You can still go on to do great things. UChicago does not accept admissions appeals due to their long list of qualified applicants on the waitlist. We do not recommend petitioning your decision. Some students transfer into UChicago, but the transfer admissions rate is extremely low and requires a lot of extra work. However, students who maintain a strong academic and extracurricular profile will always have a shot. You can reapply after taking a gap year, but this path is riskier than simply committing to another school and requesting to take a gap year there. To see if a gap year is right for you, visit our posts, What Are the Pros of Taking a Gap Year? and What You Need To Know When Applying to Colleges After a Gap Year . If UChicago closes its doors to you, we recommend moving on. Northwestern University offers a similar undergraduate experience — both are universities in the greater Chicago area of similar size — and it has twice the admissions rate. Students who like UChicago’s focus on deep, independent thinking might check out St. John’s College in Maryland or Santa Fe, as well as Deep Springs College in California. For help adjusting to a different dream, read our post, Envisioning a New Future: Preparing for Life at Your Second-Choice (or Third, or Fourth) School . If you’d like more personalized advice on your admissions profile, offers Elite Universities Application Assistance , where you’ll be paired with a successful mentor at a top school who helps you along every step of the application process.

Cont-wk5 Essay Example | Topics and Well Written Essays - 1500 words

Cont-wk5 - Essay Example nner must prepare themselves through training, but if they do not have the motivation to succeed or expect to succeed they probably will not do as well as someone who does have the motivation and the expectation to succeed. Estrella (2007) suggests that in order to close the achievement gap, teachers must lead their classrooms and motivate their students. This means that they must engage their students in learning and essentially make them want to learn. This is clear to see that within the context of Atkinsons theory, because children in classrooms must have internal motivation to achieve in order to allow the teacher to bring out the motivation inside the classroom. In fact, Estrella suggests that teachers who are able to see poor performance must check to see whether the child is motivated to learn or not. It is my opinion that there must be internal motivation because there is so much happening in a childs life today. As an example, the computer, television and video games can play such a role in a childs life that they lose their motivation to succeed in school unless the technology is available. This can damage a childs internal motivation and make them listless in school. Gatto (2010) tells students that they must be engaged in his classroom and by using this lesson and six others he has been able to successfully motivate students to learn. through motivation. Lubin leaders and scholars senior thesis. Pace University. Retrieved October 6, 2010 from

Should the Ruler Always Keep His Word Essay Example | Topics and Well Written Essays - 2250 words

Should the Ruler Always Keep His Word - Essay Example It is possible to present power from an unusual perspective. This task was the most relevant to Machiavelli and he managed to open the eyes of his fans and follower and the coming generations on the real essence of power, and on power of the words. In the majority of cases Princes are focused on their own interests. They are selfish and prudent; they do not care about their people at all. Machiavelli has been focused on the relevance of the ruler and the meaning of his word. Further on this paper considers controversial and challenging moments of the statement that a ruler should not keep his word. A word of a ruler Machiavelli inspires readers. They love him for sincerity, unexpected expressions, feelings and emotions. Machiavelli claims: â€Å"One ought not, of course, to call it  virtu  to massacre one’s fellow citizens, to betray one’s friends, to break one’s word, to be without mercy and without religion. By such means one can acquire power but not glor y† (Prince online). Nowadays, the majority of politicians are focused on power. They consider it as an enormous blessing and there is no doubt that even the modern politicians cannot look further than their nose. Machiavelli and his feeling of patriotism, multiplied by a possibility to exist among other politicians and clerk were the main triggers for further developments of his political ideas. Actually, Machiavelli described people as masters and slaves. A former group of people is more powerful and it is appropriate for them to take care about themselves only. Slaves, or common people, in accordance with Machiavelli, are narrow-minded and follow the laws of the ruler, like an obedient herd of ships (Bagley, 1989). Therefore, it is possible to suggest, that Machiavelli wants to describe a dual nature of a human being. There are two origins in the nature of every man: on the one hand, we choose: "What [classical writers] intended to convey, with this story of rulers’ b eing educated by someone who was half beast and half man, was that it is necessary for a ruler to know when to act like an animal and when like a man; and if he relies on just one or the other mode of behavior he cannot hope to survive" (Prince online). This explanation can be correlated with a developed system of people, i.e. Masters and Slaves (Alter, 1999). Masters know how to behave with their slaves; they impose perverted laws on them and they have no doubts that their Slaves would follow all their needs and wants. When it goes about Masters’ words or the ways of behavior, they have sharp minds and can easily choose appropriate strategies and the ways of behavior. A Master uses beasty features, turns into a lion and can easily conquer his enemies. A Master turns into a fox, when he wants to conduct his cunning laws and create traps for his Slaves. On the one hand, it is appropriate for a ruler to choose different strategies of behavior. Otherwise it is impossible to reig n. On the other hand, what can be said about a ruler if he does not keep his word? He can lose respect and trust of his people. Only a feeling of fear can prevent people from real protesting. In this case, the Prince can behave in whatever he wants, because he will get no resistance from people around him. There are many things, which are permitted for the king, but these deeds are forbidden for a slave. Machiavelli claims that there are many sins and every man

Carbon-Fibre Composite Materials Coursework Example | Topics and Well Written Essays - 1250 words

Carbon-Fibre Composite Materials - Coursework Example There are different types of automobile. A car is the most common type of automobile comprising largely in the usability in human population. Basically, the primary parts of a car includes: the exterior, lights, interior, chasis, brakes, suspension, and engine. Materials used for the various parts of a car needs to fulfill various criteria and comply with regulations and legislations that ensures the safety and environmental concerns of the machines. Traditionally, materials used for automobile parts production comprises of metallic materials, aluminum, steel, magnesium and other metallic alloys. However, with the rise of modern technology where various study discovered new researches, many of the metallic parts of car are now replaced with materials made up of composite materials (Ghassemieh). Composite materials such as carbon-fibre composites have been widely applied in automobile processing. Carbon fibres are those fiber materials derived from carbon. They are mixed and bound tog ether with other materials such as polymer resins processed under heat, pressure and vacuum to derive the special properties for the composites (Johnson, T. n.d). They are considered as new breed for high strength materials. It contains about 90% carbon fiber which is very durable and strong. They are very suitable when used in applications requiring stiffness, strength, lesser weight and superior fatigue characteristics (Hegde, et al. 2004). Carbon Fiber composite polymers or CFRP are devised in automobile manufacturing as they are lightweight.

Course Project Coursework Example | Topics and Well Written Essays - 1500 words

Course Project - Coursework Example In this case, the body that is in power to manage disaster should be focused to deal with is matter. Decision-making is a fundamental element that can be described as a daily routine matter. This is because in everything that is done decision should be put in the first place. Thus, decision-making can be defined as a process of gathering cognitive choices among many alternative possibilities (Köksalan, 2011). The person making the decision should select the logic choice from the available options (Köksalan, 2011). However, the nature of its existence and the historical background of the events (Köksalan, 2011) describe the decision-making. Therefore, in order to have a quality decision making the problem must be identified. Secondly, the outcomes should be clearly noticed. While managing the vulnerable hazards like flood wise decisions should be made to make sure that people do not die because of its effects. In many areas where floods are experienced malaria, turns to kill large number of such poeple like children and pregnant women (Hardman, 2009). Additionally, chole ra turns also to become a killing disease because of poor sewage. Thus, floods as they are prone in many areas in the corrective measures should be implemented to in order to meet the level of its risks. In this scenario, the article is hereby to identify disaster/emergency problems such as floods. According to the facts of scholars, floods are storms that are because of natural occurrence (Hardman, 2009). Since, the flashing of flood occurs unexpectedly the decision should be wisely made because of its consequences (Hardman, 2009). For instance, floods might cause the death of animal, people, and destruction of properties (Hardman, 2009). It is the responsibility of the state government to make clear decisions towards how to deal with such problem if it is experienced (Hardman, 2009). In this case, the government might decide to evacuate the residents

Business plan for a new business Essay Example | Topics and Well Written Essays - 2000 words

Business plan for a new business - Essay Example here are still people who are willing to invest part of their earnings in maintaining their gardens because they understand that a neat, planned and lush green lawn is a status symbol and adds pride to their property. The mission of Ladybird Lawn Care is to offer its customers a valuable source for maintaining their lawn and landscaping needs. We believe in exceeding the expectations of our customers by delivering superior quality and innovation. We strive to develop and retain long term relationships with our customers and employees. To be known as the premium landscape and lawn maintenance company in the city of New York; and to expand our operations worldwide. Honesty, innovation and dependability form the foundation for building strong customer relationships. The internal environment of Ladybird Lawn Care considers treating its employees with respect and care which makes their job enjoyable; as a result, the company flourishes. Ladybird Lawn Care is owned by Marina Rivera who is the CEO of the company. He holds the vision that maintaining lawns is equally important as maintaining customer loyalty and employee commitment. Ladybird Lawn Care is a USA based lawn care business which will initially provide service to customers in the city of New York and later expand to the suburbs. The company makes sure that the products it uses to treat lawns are organic and free of harmful chemicals. At Ladybird Lawn Care, the employees are highly trained and best quality lawn care equipments are used to exceed customers’ expectations. Ladybird Lawn Care has established its first office in New York. The target market of the company includes lawn owners that fall between the age group of forty to sixty five. The customers are educated and have an income level slightly above average. These customers are usually busy employees or business owners who believe that a well organized lawn reflects their social status but do not find enough time to manage the lawns on their